As many who know me are aware, I grew up as a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, or Mormons. When I was in my early 30′s, through a journey of quite painful investigation and reflection, I came to the conclusion that this religion, like all others, was man-made and I wanted no further relationship with it (that was the very short version). Since then I have been exploring my new world, which I now can see through unobscurred glasses. One of the big questions I have been intrigued by is; can societies function without religion? This relates to how parents raise children without a religious framework to teach values and morals, to how a society might self-regulate without religious underpinnings to their constitution and moral framework. I don’t know all the answers yet, but I have found an article recently by Phil Zuckerman that provides an interesting snapshot of life in Denmark, a very irreligious society. To read his article please click on the link below.
Post by Phil Zuckerman
Source: Kathleen Noonan, Courier Mail
How many of us can relate to the following scenario;
“Mummy and Daddy, both professionals, come home at 6.30 at night tired. They are older than any generation of parents has been before. Little Johnny feels neglected so is likely to push the boundaries. They are tired and feel guilty so what do they do with the small amount of quality time with Johnny? They put up with demands and behaviour they shouldn’t put up with.”
The above scenario sounds familiar to many of us, and as a result the currency of guilt exchange is greater tolerance of unacceptable behaviour and buying them things as a form of compensation.
Dr Alec Sigman, psychologist, writer, researcher and father of four – aged from 6 to 19 – says today’s parents are creating a generation of little emperors and it’s time to regain control.
Sigman advises us against…
- Putting a television in a young child’s bedroom
- Working long hours
- Allowing children to be disrespectful to you with fewer boundaries because you are guilty and tired
- Too much internet use without a parent watching
- Allowing alcohol at children’s parties under the legal age
- Trying to be your child’s best friend – that’s a cop out as a parent
For more information on Dr Aric Sigman or his latest book The Spoilt Generation, visit www.aricsigman.com .
An APS psychologist has the training to provide professional advice in the area of children’s and adolescents behaviour. For more information contact Bulimba Psychology on 3899 1455, alternatively contact the APS on 1800 333 497 or visit the APS at www.psychology.org.au.
Source: The Australian Psychological Society.
Winter is a time for many people to experience changes in their sleep patterns, energy levels and mood. Commonly known as ‘winter blues’, Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) is now recognised as a type of recurrent depression, the extreme form of a common pattern of lowered mood and energy in winter.
So what should we do? Socialise, exercise and aim for a daily dose of outdoor light to help beat the blues this winter, according to the Australian Psychological Society.
“While winter SAD is most common in the northern hemisphere and appears to be rare in temperate Australia, research has shown that up to 0.3% of the Australian adult population experiences SAD-like symptoms,” says Dr Greg Murray, lecturer and clinical psychologist at Swinburne University.
“There is a trend for Australians to report lowered mood and energy levels in winter compared to the warmer months. It is commonly thought that decreased light levels in winter cause SAD, but there are many ways to ease the symptoms,” says Dr Murray.
Tips for beating the winter blues include:
- Ensure you get at least one hour of outdoor light each day, preferably in the morning
- Make an effort to keep up your social life. A decrease in social activities during the winter can have an impact on a person’s mood and energy levels
- Exercise! Make sure you keep well and active by continuing activities such as exercise. While more difficult to undertake in winter, it can help lift depressive symptoms
- Extreme sufferers may need to undertake light treatment which involves sitting in front of a portable light box for about one hour each day
SAD also responds to more standard depression treatments such as cognitive behavioural therapy.
“It is important to remember that depression in winter can be a serious problem that may need professional attention if these simple lifestyle actions fail to counteract the symptoms,” concludes Dr Murray.
An APS psychologist has the training to provide professional advice in the area of SAD and/or depression. For more information contact Bulimba Psychology on 3899 1455, alternatively contact the APS on 1800 333 497 or visit the APS at www.psychology.org.au.
Source: The Anxiety Disorders Association of British Columbia
Anxiety and stress are something we all face in our lives. Sometimes, however, this anxiety can overwhelm us and significantly interfere with the quality of our lives. Any of us and any of our children can get into difficulties with excess anxiety.
Four things to remember about anxiety;
• Anxiety disorders are the most common type of mental health problem.
• 1 in 4 people will be affected by anxiety during their lifetime.
• Anxiety Disorders are characterised by excessive fear, anxiety, and distress.
• Anxiety Disorders can interfere with daily life by impacting work, school, family and relationships
It is important to talk to children and teens about anxiety as they may not be able to recognise anxiety for what it is; they may think something is “wrong” with them. Children may focus on the physical symptoms of anxiety (e.g. stomach aches). Teens may think they are weird, weak, out of control, or even going crazy! These thoughts may lead them to feel more anxious and self-conscious. Therefore, the first step is to teach your child about anxiety and how to recognise it. Self-awareness is essential!
How to do it: There are three steps to introducing the topic of anxiety to your child:
Step 1:Encourage your child to open up about any fears and worries, offer reassurance, show acceptance and stay calm, this will help your child to stay calm too!
Step 2:Teach your child about anxiety. Anxiety is normal, everyone experiences it at times. Anxiety is not dangerous, though it may feel uncomfortable; it doesn’t last long, and will eventually decrease. Anxiety is adaptive, it helps us prepare for real danger and without it humans would not have survived as a species!
Step 3:Help your child recognise anxiety. Become a “detective” with your child and investigate anxiety. Find examples of how your child experiences anxiety in each of the three parts: physical symptoms, anxious thoughts, and avoidance behaviours. Help your child understand that anxiety, and not actual real danger, is causing him or her to miss out on important opportunities and fun events.
If anxiety is overwhelming your life or the children in your life it may be difficult for parents to address without help from a professional. For more information and strategies relating to anxiety contact Bulimba Psychology on 3899 1455, alternatively, contact the APS on 1800 333 497 or visit the APS at www.psychology.org.au or the Anxiety Disorders Association of British Columbia http://www.anxietybc.com.
Source: The Australian Psychological Society
Images of destruction following disasters such as fires, cyclones, earthquakes and tsunami’s are having an impact on Australian children and young people as well.
Concerned about the emotional wellbeing of their children, many parents, teachers, grandparents and mentors are looking for advice on how to respond to questions from children and young people about unsettling and upsetting events taking place.
Following the events of September 11, 2001, Save the Children prepared the following ten tips to help adults support children through times of crisis. These ten tips are based upon Save the Children’s years of experience nationally and internationally and can be used as a guide for adults to support children and young people through crisis. The relevancy of different tips will vary depending upon a child’s previous experience, age and where he or she lives in the world.
Young people often ask the adults in their lives to explain what they are seeing and to reassure them about what will happen next: “Will everything be OK? Why is this happening? What will happen to the children who have survived?”
Ten tips on how to help kids cope with disaster:
1. Turn off the TV. Watching television reports on disasters may overwhelm younger children. They may not understand that the tape of an event is being replayed, and instead think the disaster is happening over and over again. Overexposure to coverage of the events affects teenagers and adults as well. Television limits should be set for both you and your children.
2. Listen to your children carefully. Before responding, get a clear picture of what it is that they understand and what is leading to their questions. Emotional stress results in part when a child cannot give meaning to dangerous experiences. Find out what he or she understands about what has happened. Their knowledge will be determined by their age and their previous exposure to such events. Begin a dialog to help them gain a basic understanding that is appropriate for their age and responds to their underlying concerns.
3. Give children reassurance and psychological first-aid. Assure them about all that is being done to protect children who have been directly affected by this crisis. Take this opportunity to let them know that if any emergency or crisis should occur, your primary concern will be their safety. Make sure they know they are being protected.
4. Consider getting professional help. For children directly affected by this crisis parents should consider counselling, not just for the child, but also for the entire family. Other children may also be affected by the images they see and stories they hear. Parents should be alert to any significant changes in sleeping patterns, eating habits, concentration, wide emotional swings or frequent physical complaints without apparent illness. If present, these will likely subside within a short time. If prolonged, however, we encourage you to seek psychological support and counselling.
5. Expect the unexpected. Not every child will experience these events in the same way. As children develop, their intellectual, physical and emotional capacities change. Younger children will depend largely on their parents to interpret events, while older children and teenagers will get information from a variety of sources which may not be as reliable.
Understand that older teenagers, because of their greater capacity for understanding, may be more affected by these stories. While teenagers seem to have more adult capacities to recover as well, they still need extra love, understanding and support to process these events.
6. Give your children extra time and attention. They need your close, personal involvement to comprehend that they are safe and secure. Talk, play and, most important, listen to them. Find time to engage in special activities for children of all ages. Read bedtime stories and sing songs to help younger children fall asleep.
7. Be a model for your child. Your child will learn how to deal with these events by seeing how you deal with them. Base the amount of self-disclosure on the age and developmental level of each of your children. Explain your feelings but remember to do so calmly.
8. Watch your own behaviour. Make a point of showing sensitivity toward the different countries affected by the disaster. This is an opportunity to teach your children that we are all part of one world and that we all need to help each other.
9. Help your children return to normal activities. Children almost always benefit from activity, goal orientation and sociability. Ensure that your child’s school environment is also returning to normal patterns and not spending great amounts of time discussing the crisis.
10. Encourage your child to do volunteer work. Helping others can give your child a sense of control, security and empathy. Indeed, in the midst of crisis, adolescents and youth can emerge as active agents of positive change. Encourage your children to help support local charities that assist children in need.
If children’s behaviour problems are severe it may be difficult for parents to address without help from a professional. For more information and strategies relating to coping with disaster contact Bulimba Psychology on 3899 1455, alternatively contact the APS on 1800 333 497 or visit the APS at www.psychology.org.au.
Tips for Parents
Parent Management Training aims to provide parents with techniques to manage their child’s behavioural problems or teach their children new skills. It is based on the idea that behaviour is learnt from others and is shaped as a result of responses to it. In other words, the consequences that follow the behaviour will determine whether that behaviour continues to occur.
What is it used for?
Parent Management Training is useful when a change in children’s behaviour is required. It includes treating children with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, Anxiety, Depression, Eating Disorders, Sleep Disorders, aggression and other behavioural problems. It is also used for the development of social skills and problem solving.
In order for Parent Management Training to be effective, parents must first understand what is appropriate and ‘normal’ behaviour for children of different ages and stages. Reading material on children’s development can guide parents in the expectations they should have of children. Following this, parents should identify appropriate expectations and rules about their child’s behaviour, and effective ways to enforce rules and administer consequences when these rules are broken.
Some tips to help parents better manage children’s problem behaviour include:
- Improving Communication.
Parents sometimes need to develop better listening skills as well as clear communication. This includes strategies such as:
Keep communication with children simple and age appropriate.
- Instructions should be short and repeated or clarified if you think he/she has not heard or not understood. Ask him/her if they have understood; don’t assume this.
- Ask him/her to look at you when you are speaking so that you know they are attentive. Accordingly, parents should also try to look at the child when speaking to him or her. This will encourage children to listen to what parents are saying.
- Identifying patterns that may contribute to problem behaviour.
Look at the problem behaviour and see what is happening before and after the behaviour occurs. This includes strategies such as:
Identifying and interrupting ‘triggers’ that may contribute to the development of the problem behaviour, or events that follow the behaviour which may lead to the likelihood of the problem behaviour happening again.
If he/she knows that by crying long enough eventually Dad will give in and give him/her a treat, then this behaviour will continue, because he/she has learnt that crying for long periods will eventually get him/her what is wanted. Breaking this pattern by not giving in, even if it means some distress for the child initially, will show him/her that crying for long periods does not end with a reward. The pattern will eventually be broken and he/she will stop the problem behaviour.
- Setting appropriate expectations and rules.
Parents should develop a list of appropriate behaviour and rules that they expect children to abide by. These rules should be reasonable given the child’s age. For older children, these rules can be developed through negotiations between parents and children. These rules should be discussed with younger children so that they are aware of the expectations placed on them. Parents can then use these rules as a guide to assess the appropriateness of children’s behaviour.
- Administer consequences for bad behaviour in a consistent way.
To be successful in altering child behaviour, parents must provide rewards to increase positive behaviour and removal of rewards, or a time-out type of punishment, to decrease negative behaviour. Intervening with suitable consequences when problem behaviour is displayed is important if a reduction of unacceptable behaviour is to occur. The consequences chosen must fit the situation and the severity of the misconduct. It may be useful to discuss with the child appropriate punishments and rewards, which are logical consequences of behaviour.
- Acknowledging and rewarding positive behaviour.
As well as identifying inappropriate behaviour, parents should recognise positive behaviour and highlight this by responding with positive consequences such as praise and rewards. This reinforcement provides a balanced approach to the demands parents make in terms of expectations and rules, and promotes valued behaviour in children. An increase in positive consequences will result in an increase in positive child/parent interactions. A reward should be something that the child likes and values. Rather than parents nominating rewards, it may be preferable that the child determines some of the rewards as part of setting up expectations and rules.
- Parents working together.
For best results parents must be seen to be working together and to share values and beliefs about child rearing. Hence, both parents must agree and be clear on rules and expectations and abide by these in providing consistent consequences to the child and reliable support to each other.
When the child’s behaviour problems are severe it may be difficult for parents to address some of the problems without help from a professional trained in the area. For more information and strategies relating to positive parenting contact James Brown at Bulimba Psychology on 3899 1455 or contact the APS on 1800 333 497. Visit the APS at www.psychology.org.au.
Source: The Australian Psychological Society
Towards the end of the long summer school holidays many parents, and indeed children, have had enough and are ready to get back to some routine and sense of structure in the days. It’s easy to get frustrated with the fighting and boredom and resort to smacking children.
The following excerpt from the Australian Psychological Society (APS) President, Professor Bob Montgomery, gives some useful tips for managing stress associated with parenting and importantly what to do in the heat of the moment.
“Children might be squabbling more than usual, asking for things, seeking attention. This can be exhausting and frustrating for parents, with some parents more likely to lose their temper with their children. It can be helpful for parents to use one or more calming strategies before this happens – such as talking to a friend and letting them know how you are feeling, or taking some slow, calming breaths, and saying things to yourself like “stay calm”. Some parents find that walking out of the room, having a drink of water, or playing some music can help them to calm down, and regain control so that they can deal more effectively with their children.”
Research shows that physical punishment for bad behaviour does not work as well as other ways of disciplining children.
- If a parent frequently uses physical punishment, children often have trouble learning to control themselves
- Physical punishment on its own does not teach children right from wrong
- Physical punishment makes children afraid to disobey when parents are present, and when parents are not present to administer the punishment, those same children are more likely to misbehave (Gershoff, 2002).
- Hitting or spanking your child is likely to decrease the quality of your relationship with them
The APS Parent guide to helping children manage conflict, aggression and bullying contains useful information about how to manage a child’s behaviour in an effective way, without being aggressive or unduly punishing the child. More useful strategies include the use of logical consequences, time out, or withdrawal of consequences. This practical guide is freely available from the APS website: http://www.psychology.org.au/publications/tip_sheets/bullying/.
If you continue to feel overwhelmed by stress associated with parenting you may want to talk with a psychologist who can help you address the emotions behind parenting and change any unhelpful behaviour.
Managing financial stress
Source: Australian Psychological Society
With rising interest rates and a volatile stock market causing losses in superannuation, Australians are feeling additional stress and anxiety about their financial future.
The Australian Psychological Society endorses the following tips to manage stress, which were published in a tipsheet produced by the American Psychological Association (the publication of that tipsheet was made possible with assistance from APA member Nancy Molitor, PhD) and are equally applicable in Australia:
Pause but don’t panic. There are many negative stories in newspapers and on television about rising interest rates. Pay attention to what’s happening around you, but refrain from getting caught up in doom-and-gloom hype, which can lead to high levels of anxiety and bad decision making. Avoid the tendency to overreact or to become passive. Remain calm and stay focused.
Identify your financial stressors and make a plan. Take stock of your particular financial situation and what causes you stress. Write down specific ways you and your family can reduce expenses or manage your finances more efficiently. Then commit to a specific plan and review it regularly. If you are having trouble paying bills or staying on top of debt, reach out for help by calling your bank, utilities or credit card company.
Recognise how you deal with stress related to money. In tough economic times some people are more likely to relieve stress by turning to unhealthy activities like smoking, drinking, gambling or emotional eating. The strain can also lead to more conflict and arguments between partners. Be alert to these behaviours – if they are causing you trouble, consider seeking help from a psychologist or other professional before the problem gets worse.
Turn these challenging times into opportunities for real growth and change. Times like this, while difficult, can offer opportunities to take stock of your current situation and make needed changes. Try taking a walk-it’s an inexpensive way to get good exercise. Having dinner at home with your family may not only save you money, but help bring you closer together. Consider learning a new skill. Take a course through your employer or look into low-cost resources in your community that can lead to a better job. The key is to use this time to think outside the box and try new ways of managing your life.
Ask for professional support. Facing money troubles can be difficult, even embarrassing, but ignoring them and hoping they’ll go away usually means they get worse. Financial planners are available to help you take control over your money situation. If you continue to be overwhelmed by the stress, you may want to talk with a psychologist who can help you address the emotions behind your financial worries, manage stress, and change unhelpful behaviours.”
Ok, the pressure has finally got to me. As a psychologist I should put aside my own personal comfort and grow a mo to support men’s health. So I will grow a mo for Movember. I will resist the urge to shave it off as it starts to get itchy. I will try not to check myself in the mirror continually…I will just grow it and go with it. So please support me and Movember by donating at :
Think well. Be well. (source: The Australian Psychological Society)
Think well. Be well is about feeling good, having a healthy self esteem, positive family, social and work relationships, being fit and healthy and having a balanced lifestyle. In our daily life we come across a range of events and interactions that can challenge us and lead us to feel hassled, irritable or even angry or distressed. Here are some strategies for dealing with the pressures of such daily demands:
Include some physical exercise in your life! People who are more physically active, generally feel more positive and are able to better manage daily pressures and release stress.
Learn how to relax! Learn a relaxation technique such as progressive muscle relaxation or join a yoga or meditation class.
Get organized and prioritise demands! Prioritise and plan your day to ensure that you are not overwhelmed by demands and feeling under pressure. You will find you are better equipped to deal with daily demands if you have more control over your schedule.
Learn to delegate! Delegate tasks and don’t be afraid to ask your family and social network for assistance when daily demands are getting out of control. Practice saying “no”. If your daily demands are getting out of control, learn to hold back and accept that you are not able to do everything.
Keep things in perspective! Think through daily problems that arise from demands and whether there is a way to resolve these. If you can deal with the problem it will provide a sense of accomplishment and a feeling of being in control of your life. If the problem can not be resolved, it may help to speak to someone about it or to think about whether it is worth feeling stressed about it given that you cannot change it.
Have a positive attitude! Maintaining a positive attitude will help you to feel happier and more able to cope with daily demands. In addition, other people are more likely to interact with you in a positive way and to be more helpful and co-operative.
Positive Eating! Learn to enjoy nutritious foods. A healthy diet helps to manage weight and contributes to a positive mind set.
Work in a low-stress environment! Reducing noise in your immediate environment and ensuring that you have a comfortable personal space to work in can help to reduce stress associated with daily demands.
To find out more about National Psychology Week, go to http://www.psychologyweek.com.au/Content.aspx?ID=1056
